


Less Than A Memory

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon death of Regulus, Dark, Hand Job, M/M, Mental Illness, Near Death Experience, Oral Sex, PTSD, Severus Snape Lives, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:47:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22851229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: Severus Snape has been telling stories since he was a child, he was fairly good at it. They weren’t happy ones, they were “I ran into the door”, but mostly he lied to himself. That his mother wasn’t wrong and that he didn’t love Regulus.When all is said and done he fears will anyone but him remember Regulus?
Relationships: Regulus Black/Severus Snape
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35
Collections: Love Fest 2020





	Less Than A Memory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Art3misiA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Art3misiA/gifts).



  
“In the end, we’ll all become stories.”

Telling stories was what Severus Snape had been doing for what felt like a lifetime. Maybe he had been. Severus used to lie to Lily about the bruise on his cheek, or the burn on his hand. Claim that he ran into a door or grabbed the wrong part of the kettle. She use to raise her eyebrows at such things and shake her head. Lily would not say a word— though she could surely tell he was lying.

Sometimes he wished she would have told someone. Maybe someone would have done something. But, his mother said to him growing up if you do, they are just going to stick you in a muggle foster home, and they will not let you go to Hogwarts. He believed her, why would his mother lie to him? What did she have to gain by lying to him? The truth was that even now, he did not know what she had to gain— besides keeping him with her, that is.

Regulus didn't believe his lies. The boy at twelve snapped at him, ”You can't lie to me, Sev! I know you're not stupid enough stick your hand on the stove or run into a wall. If it weren't the first night back, I would say it was my brother. But it's not. So why do your parents do this to you? Why do you allow them to do this to you? We have to do something!”

He pulled away from the boy and snapped, ”All I have is my mum, Reg, for better or worse I can't lose her and she can't lose me. We take care of one another, and I protect her from him.”

Regulus stared at the fire from his armchair, ” It's not your job to take her, Severus, it's her job to protect you. That's what is being a parent is—protecting your kids.You deserve better. My mum isn't all that right in the head, but I promise you she’d never hurt my brother, and I like this.”

The Black heir dabbed the burn with the healing potion. Severus tried to best not pull away, it stung.

”They will send me to muggles—if I tell anyone—they will not let me go to Hogwarts, and that's more important than anything!”

”Even your safety?”

Severus snapped, ”Even my safety. I am used to it anyway. And he's done far worse before.”

Regulus bright blue eyes widened with his worry, ”No one should be used to this Severus Snape, no one, no matter what lies people tell you. No matter what your mother has told you.”

He yanked his hand away and snarled, “I can take care of this myself, go to bed, and mind your own damn business!”

Regulus face turned pale as parchment, and he sighed, ”When you are ready to let someone I will be here. You can't push me away, Severus, with your grumbling. I am not some stupid mudblood frightened by a little darkness; my family from it. We are a part of its— part of our very nature.”

Severus laid awake till the early morning hours, thinking about what he had said and what Regulus had said to him. The boy was just trying to help— even if he did not understand.He would apologize in the morning, and he hoped the other boy would just forget it.

***************************

Severus poured himself another glass of fire whiskey and got lost in another memory— soon, he would leave this wretched world, finally. Soon he would be allowed to die. Soon he would see Regulus again. He shut his eyes and thought back to the time he had been foolish and in love, but also back to the time he had hope.

But, now, his hope was dead, as dead as Regulus and as dead as he soon would be.

Regulus kissed him, warm fingers going to his belt, they didn't have much time. There was a raid tonight and a big one at that, instead of resting through the allure of flesh called to both of them. Severus needed this to shut off his mind, though he didn't exactly know the reason why his lover required this. They were far too busy to waste their stolen moments on talking.

Trousers discarded asthey made their way to the full bed in the corner— it was one of the few comforts that Severus allowed himself to have. He pushed the younger man on the bed. Severus didn't know how this had started, and why they kept continuing it. One day Reg would have to marry a pureblood witch— he was after all the last male heir of the Blacks.

But, Severus forgot such things when the other man took him within his mouth, for once, his mind went blank. Gloriously blank. Nothing else mattered beyond the tight wet heat, his long boney fingers tangled into Regulus’s soft black waves.

If there was such a thing as heaven— it felt like this moment. It was the warmth; it was the feeling of love the was something that he dared not to admit it was mostly lust. But, lust could be like a fine wine if it was with the right person.

He finished with a groan and tightened down on Regulus’s hair to the point it surely hurt the man, though he didn't seem to mind. Once he came back to reality, he muttered, ”let me take care of you.”

Regulus cried, ”I am so close.” He grabbed Severus’s hand and wrapped it around his penis. They laid there a tangle of sheets and limbs. The world outside these walls did not matter. Regulus quickly came and fell asleep. Severus thought for a second of just rolling over and ignoring the man, or even going out to sleep on his small sofa. He did no such thing. He pulled Regulus into his arms.He wanted to protect this man— to keep him safe, but Severus knew he could do no such thing. Their choices we're rather unsafe, even if they felt like the right ones, at least at the time.

He was lying to himself; the best of liars can do that. It was not lust; he felt for Regulus Black but love. And there wasn't a fucking thing he could do about it. This man was his to have for only a short while— soon, he would belong to a stupid pureblood bint, someone who yearned to be lady Black.

Severus was not jealous of someone who he had yet to meet or even knew who she was; no, he was not. Maybe just a little, not that he would ever admit such a thing. Not even to the man he loved.

********************************

Severus Snape lay bleeding on the dirty floor of the shrieking shack; Harry Potter kneeled next to him, blubbering on about something he could not hear. The sound of the thumping of his own heart filled his ears. Soon he would see Regulus again, and both of them would be less than a memory. A story never to be told. A story no one would remember. And that shattered him— not that anyone would know his, he did not matter, but that no one would know Regulus’s.

No one besides dead men knew what happened to his love. They would become stories that were never to be told. Severus gave the man his memories, his memories he had been urged to give that would help the man, but also the ones Dumbledore did not want him to— ones of Regulus.

Severus should have told Sirius; he should have let the man’s brother know that his brother had died for the right reasons. For the light, he was trying to stop a mad man, trying to make the world a better place. But, he didn't want to share Regulus with anyone, not even his own brother. The man was his; maybe it was deranged to be possessive, but Regulus was the only person who ever been his. Lily surely wasn't; she was Potter’s.

Dying was supposed to be easy. Wasn't it? After living had been so hard. His vision darkened, his ears felt plugged, and he felt so cold.

************************

The first thing that Severus Snape saw when he opened his eyes was Minerva McGonagall; she said, ”Good, you are awake. Now, did you and Dumbledore take me for a fool? I have known you since I was eleven years old. And I have known Albus Dumbledore since I was eleven years old.

It took me some time to figure it out, you were quite good at your lies, but then I thought back to a conversation I overheard between you and Dumbledore nearly a year ago. I believe I was destroying one of his cushions as I did so. But, even without that, Severus, I remembered how much you cared Lily. She was like a sister to you. I could set that aside; you are a Slytherin after all and love power more than anything. But then I remembered the only thing you loved more than power?

Regulus Black. I remembered how you sat every night for weeks in front of the mirror of erised, and I also remembered you saying Regulus why did you leave me? And somethings I dare not to speak for fear of your wrath once you can get out of the bed. You should be better within a few weeks.

The man wouldn't want you to give up, Severus, no matter how horrible life may seem, you can make things better. You can start over. You can leave this place and never look back. Or you can give in and give up.But, if I know anything about you, you're going to live, or at least I hope so.”

Severus stared at her with his calculating sharp black eyes, unable to speak from the severe stabbing pain of his throat. The woman was as conniving as a cat, but maybe that was a good thing. Regulus would want him to live— someone to tell his story and make him more than a memory, not less than one. The memories would keep him alive and give him a reason to live.

Someone soon would tell Severus how he was still alive, but now he just wanted to sleep.

”Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul.”


End file.
